Enunciation matters

In SeaMart:

"Ooh, Daddy! Gay men! Daddy! Daddy! Gay men!"

*looks back*

Game. Hen.

Right.

True story

"Porter, how did you get to be so awesome?"

"My skills."

Situational ethics

A: We can do anything we want; we don't have to keep to a schedule!
B: Except shoot people with machine guns.
A: Well, yes.
C: Machine guns aren't appropriate.

I can't believe the same trick worked twice in a row

"Wait, what do you want me not to do?"
"Tickle me."
"OKAY"
*Boy collapses in a pile of giggles*

Space adventure stories that cross David Bowie and Bill Watterson are the best.

"Major Tom to Ground Control. I'm on Mars."
"Ground Control to Major Tom. Try to find the right place. The right place is The Milky Way."

objectification lessons

The Girl: Holy shit balls!
The Boy: Don't say, "balls." It's not nice to boys.
The Girl: I didn't know that.
The Boy: It's not nice to talk like that about a part of a boy.

Sampling Food

"Whattaya think?"
"Mmm! Not shitty at all!"